My son called it “wrestling the ocean.” I liked that phrase from the first time he said it, while running fearlessly out into the water. We used it over and over during our time at the beach and it’s stuck with me.
There’s something challenging and a little fun about resistance. Even resistance you know you won’t beat. You’re not going to stop the ocean, you’re not even going to slow it down. The ocean doesn’t even really care you’re there. But there’s something about slamming your body into a wave. Feeling it push you back and still standing upright. You feel accomplished afterward.
But the thing with wrestling the ocean is your high of progress — of achievement, only lasts a few seconds and the next wave comes. You turn your back on the sea for a second and you’re in the sand. It doesn’t matter how many battles you won or how many times you stayed steady. Eventually, the ocean is going to win. You’re going to get tired. The ocean is not. And when that happens, you’ll have nothing to show for it. You’ll have a few scrapes and bruises maybe… but no trophy. No lasting sense or reason why you fought for so long.
I worked for years at this relationship. I worked against the resistance. Against the waves of negativity and judgment and hurt. It was challenging and honestly in the beginning I liked that. I liked getting through a holiday meal and fending off the comments and the sideways glances. I felt like somehow, I was winning. I liked being right when it came to the kids. I liked that no matter how much they pushed, I was still standing.
But you know what… when you’re focusing on getting past that next wave, you don’t get the opportunity to step back. To appreciate the ocean in it’s vastness, in it’s beauty. You don’t see the sun glistening on the water endlessly. You don’t hear the rhythmic crashing of the waves or feel the warm sand. I’m ready for that. I’m ready to sit on the beach and watch the sunrise. To let someone else try to wrestle the ocean. I want to stand back and let the water gently kiss my toes. And I want to hold your hand while I do it.